Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
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