hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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