I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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