I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Randomize
