lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize
