I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
