Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Randomize
