The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
