marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
At least make sure they are 18
Why
i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
