Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
This couple is walking their pig around campus
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