'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
you will always have a special place in my vag
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Randomize
