I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Randomize
