Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
