you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
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