You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Randomize
