Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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