what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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