I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
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