It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Randomize
