my mouth tastes like poor choices
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
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