it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Randomize
