I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Randomize
