I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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