he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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