I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
id be glad to
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
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