Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
