the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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