Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
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