i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
