Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
I touched a dick in church today
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Randomize
