I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
someone owes me an orgasm
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
