I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
