i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
Randomize
