She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
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