Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
