I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Randomize
