why im i the only drunk person in the library?
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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