Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
