So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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