theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
