the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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