Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
Randomize
