I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
