Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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