getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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