you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
Randomize
