Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Randomize
