What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
