What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
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