Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
She needs sedatives and a leash
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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