Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize
